Feeling Blessed
January 16, 2012
Last week I cried every night because I didn’t want to leave my sixth graders. Like one of my girls said, it seemed unfair that “they make you work here, you get attached to us, and then they make you leave.” Suddenly what I had been looking forward to in my second placement couldn’t make up for the painful feeling of leaving my students so soon. But in trying to distract myself with the power of great stories, I came across this quote at the end of Rudolfo Anaya’s Bless Me, Ultima:
“I ran to preserve those moments when beauty mingled with sadness and flowed through my soul like the stream of time.”
No words could have spoken to me more clearly about the situation at hand. Yes, it’s sad and painful to leave, but how beautiful is the reason that it’s painful? I fell in love with my job, with these kids, and feel so blessed that I care about something so much. When did I become the luckiest person I know?
When one boy – who I only knew from homeroom – cried because I was leaving that day or when kids hugged me goodbye and signed a thank you card for me, I felt more loved than I have ever felt in my life. This is where the rough years completely melt away… I’m in love with my career and in a relationship with someone I fall more in love with every day. I would hate me if I weren’t me. I’m afraid just by writing this that I could jinx this happy life. For now I’ll just keep teaching, loving, laughing, playing, writing, and reading.
With that being said, I’ll leave you with a comment my brother, who I am thrilled to have visiting me this week, said to me yesterday after I made a shoot me face about his friends studying finance and accounting. “Of course you hate finance, you live in the world of Stardust.” Indeed I do, and this is why:
“It’s not irrelevant, those moments of connection, those places where fiction saves your life. It’s the most important thing there is.” – Neil Gaimon
It’s a beautiful world in which I live.
